How to Have a Better Marriage

Why all the Divorces? Why is the good question. If we keep asking why we'll get down to causes instead of symptoms. Is alcoholism the "cause of" or the "result of" poor relationships? Female independence, male menopause, less social and church pressure give reasons for more actual legal divorces but they are not the reasons people have always divorced in spirit.

"Marriage is the cause of divorce" is a funny saying that has more truth in it than first suspected. The institution of marriage itself, as we have known it, has not caused fulfillment for many people. Our understanding of it has stifled rather than promoted growth in ones self and in the other.

For marriage to promote life and love, as it should, the institution needs some renewing. To begin with the foundation must be freedom, respect and trust of each other. Marriage is not an end in itself but a means of becoming a whole, mature, happy person. It's a process, an opportunity to grow, to learn to love. The ideal should be a side by side concept rather than a possessive ownership. Americans own many things but slavery is out - you don't own people.

The following concepts will teach you how to have a better marriage:

1. A realization that love is a goal, not a starting point. People give up on love far too easily. It takes a long, long, time to discover what love is and the rest of your life to live it.

2. A belief that marriage is permanent. The only realistic promise we can make is "to try" until death.

3. Equality and freedom in the marriage partnership. Men stand to gain equally as much as women in this equality and freedom.

4. A belief that problems are opportunities for growth in life and love. We've reached a point in history when freedom is a must for every human being. New found freedom almost always results in confusion, misunderstanding but also serious thinking and choosing. The fact is "responsible freedom" can only follow freedom. The law and order lovers want to immediately go back to strictness rather than work their way through the adolescent stage of a nation, a church, a school, children, marriage or life itself.

They have not the patience to allow others to move from freedom to responsible freedom. The day is coming when we will freely choose to marry and freely choose to stay married because we will have learned it's best for ourselves our children and our society. Then and only then will the institution of marriage promote life and love and cause wholeness in each of the partners.